On Exes

A friend called me tonight. Worry and concern was evident in her voice as she carefully asked me a series of questions. At first, I was clueless as to where it was heading. Then finally, I unconsciously uttered – Uh-oh. Not again, please.

Persistent exes and the dilemma it brings.

Ex, as the word suggests, means former, what-used-to. It means history. It means over. If you had experienced moving from one apartment or place to another, the lady you used to pay your rent is your ex-landlady. This means you are done with her and you are dealing with a new one. If you had broken a law, charged, convicted and served your time, you are an ex-convict. It means what you were and did is an account of the past. If you used to work as a lawyer and were disbarred because you did something against moral turpitude, then you are an ex-lawyer. This means that you no longer qualify for the profession. However, should a history, a past, a former, an ex becomes persistent, is it still healthy? Is it socially acceptable? To what extent should it be tolerated?

As far as my point of view is concerned, the answer to the questions above is NO.

I do not have anything against exes because I had been one myself. I am an ex-student, an ex-officer, an ex-admirer, an ex-F4 fanatic, an ex-lady-in-waiting (literally), an ex-procrastinator, ex-anime aficionada, ex-debater, ex-teenager… This is where the concept of moving on comes in. I did. It is because the opposite of moving on is getting stuck. It is a sixty year old acting like a kid. It is, in most people’s eyes, unhealthy. It is like a disease. And, the person afflicted with it is most likely demented. As a nurse by profession, I believe health is of utmost importance. Being unable to grow out one stage of your life implies that your health is threatened and compromised.

Exes, being part of the past, deserve the merit of history and recognition. That’s just it – be recognized that one existed once upon a time. To ask for more than that is tantamount to being like Madame Du Bary wanting to become Queen of France, or Calypso wanting to be Penelope, Queen of Ithaca. As one college professor argued, “History does not repeat itself because there is an element of time”. When that time element is lost, it can never be recovered. After all, man is a one-time being. He can never go back to whoever, wherever he was and whatever he had in the past. The least he could have done was to make it worth staying for.

History is, more often than not, written in dusty books which are placed in the forgotten section of a library. It is not published in the morning paper’s front page with photographs taken by the best photojournalists. Old news is old news. It has a place in the newspaper but is certainly not part of current events and the headline news.

Word of advice: Have a sense of self-worth. While persistence may be an admirable trait in some endeavors, it does not necessarily guarantee you of getting back what you were and what you used to have. Sometimes the more you persist means the more you miss.

Reality check: Some things are simply over and it is not coming back. Deal with it. Otherwise, as a song goes, should you keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere or would it be a waste even if you knew your place?

PS. I’m not bitter. I’m just sick of it.